Wednesday 29 May 2024

Micromanaging how others experience you is unnecessary

People pleasers go to great extents to meet the needs of others, often without any expectations from others.

Perfectionism is a very common form of people pleasing. Perfectionism is about trying very hard to portray something about oneself, which is not true, but also mostly unnecessary. Perfectionists try to curate every element of how others view them, and in doing so put undue pressure on themselves.

This manifests in all parts of their interpersonal relationships. Professional and personal.

For example, in the professional context, being unsure to speak up and ask questions in a meeting, to avoid appearing as a foolish person. Or, on the flip side, asking too many questions because they want to be seen as engaging. It can be saying yes to new projects and commitments, just to signal that one is not a slacker. It is saying no to things, just because they want to be considered busy and important.

In personal context, it is not acknowledging one's needs. Letting imbalance in the psychological hungers fester.  It leads to typical 'drama' behaviours - playing the victim, always being the helper, or being judgmental.

Trying to be perfect is a coping mechanism. Too much of it leads to a build-up of resentment. And get us to start fixating on the challenges one must deal with, instead of taking action to fix the issues.

If you find yourself micromanaging how other's experience you, take a pause and acknowledge it.

Then let it go. Stop curating and censuring yourself. Nobody is thinking about you as much as you are. Recognize problems can be opportunities in disguise.

Let go and breathe. Appreciate the imperfection and impermanence. 


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